ADHD and Emotional Maturity

From Not Wrong, Just Different

Emotional development in children with ADHD is 30% slower than their non-ADD peers. This means that a child that is 10 years old will have the emotional development of a 7 year old, a 20 year old will have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.

What does this mean for our relationships with those with ADHD?

Manage your expectations.
When setting discipline and punishment, do the math in your head first.  If your child is 12 and gets into trouble, count down the 30% and ask if that was normal behavior for an 8 year old.  Then react.
When setting your boundaries, manage to the 30%.  The rest of the kids in that age group may have privileges that your child isn’t ready for.  Be careful not to “baby” or “enable”.  This also means you will need to be more purposeful and specific to teach your child how to make good choices. Do this with love, not shame or comparison.  Live by the motto, “Meet them where they are and love them forward.”

The Contradiction:
Those with ADHD are often intellectually advanced with an amazing vocabulary. When their words and intelligence are advanced and their emotional maturity behind, it is confusing.  My son was in fourth grade when I learned this statistic.  It put so many things in perspective for me.  My frustration eased and I learned to manage each of them separately, the intellect and the emotions.  I had a conversation with his teacher and she found it dead on from her experience and helpful for her teaching too.